I'm faced with a fork in the road. One path gives me what I want but with uncertainty in the future. The other path is fresh to pave with no hint of possible backtracking. One route is unknown, the other unsure.
It is hard to trust a person when the trust has already been broken, but if you care about the person is it worth trying? I don't want to live my life saying "what if?", but I also don't want to live my life saying "why did/didn't I?"
Moving on is not something we ever jump up and volunteer to do, rather, it is something that we end up needing to do to better oneself. Moving on is usually never easy. Sometimes, we are happy to do it, but it takes a while to get there. Other times, we are put into a position where we have no other non-self-distructive choice.
I find myself taking steps towards moving on a little at a time. My mom passed away 7 months ago and it still feels like a fresh wound. I just keep on trying to tackle something else troublesome each day. From going back to church or cleaning out her belongings, each step of moving on is a step towards me feeling stable again. I am sick of feeling like I am a mess and will crumble at any given moment.
I broke up with my boyfriend of a year not too long ago. I've found that it was something I needed to do for myself. He and I were toxic to one another. Moving on has been hard, but I feel like I have control of my life back.
Moving on may not necessarily be something one wants to do, but rather a necessity for them to find themselves again.
We will never forget the lives lost, the individuals affected, or the terror that ensued. Our nation froze that morning and for that brief time, we united as one - watching live as our sense of security crumbled before us. Watching live as our brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers, neighbors and friends lost their lives, we froze as a whole. Then, as we picked ourselves up, we united and fought for justice. We wouldn't let the lives lost allow their message to fade away.
I didn't want to do it
It was just something I had to do
A person can only deal with so much
Before they are permanently blue
No matter how hard this is for me
No matter how much I care
I could only handle so much
Certain things weren't fair
I'd give anything to change this
But I didn't make the choice
When someone pulls so far back
It makes the other loose their voice
I had hoped things wouldn't end like this
But there was only so much I could take
I couldn't sit around another day
Wondering if what we had was fake
A part of me will love you until I die
But I can't wonder what if now
I can't even ask you why
But things are better than falling further down
If I told you I couldn't breathe right now would you hold me and make me better or let me suffocate.
If you saw me at a store would you walk up to me or run and hide
Do you fall asleep easily at night or do you toss and turn over memories of you and I?
Do you miss the way my hair smells or the color of my eyes.
I would never wish you pain, but I do wish you know how I felt. My whole life has crumbled before my eyes and I feel like I have been living in a lie.
The hardest thing I ever had to do was definitely when I decided to walk away from you.
Open up to me and tell me how you feel. Maybe I will find out everything actually was real.
Why do I let things get to the point where it physically makes me ill? I feel sick now. I over think things too much instead of giving it up to God and doing my best. I can't stand feeling the way I have felt which stresses me out even more which has, in turn, brought on migraines and nausea. I wish I knew what I could do other than sit and wait.
If felt really good spending time with my sister and niece tonight, but not having my text responded to from who I really needed to hear from made me feel so lonely. I have so many people that care about me and are there for me... but they can't fill the void I'm experiencing right now. There is only one person. But I am trying to give the necessary space and hold up my end. My heart might ache, but I try to think about what the future might hold. All I can do is give it up to God and pray. At least I got to hear this person's voice earlier today for a minute. I needed it and it did help quite a bit.
